Child Sexual Abuse

Introduction to Child Sexual Abuse

Of all things that the average Nigerian parent fail to do; giving sex education to their children stands one of the highest tendency – and it has been like this for a very long time. Perhaps one of the reasons is that we are being cautious not to “spoil” them – what does a child know? Unfortunately, by the time parents become convinced that the child come to know enough, they also discover that such a child already know too much. Worst still is that at that time; while the parent now thinks it is appropriate to teach the child about sex; the child believes it is inappropriate or embarrassing for the parent to be talking about such thing! Hence, the child would hardly want to freely discuss such topic.

So, how may Nigerian parent guard and guide their children against child sexual abuse?

As noted in an earlier post; children, just like adults, are faced with and had to manage daily stresses. However, unlike adults, they are easily overwhelmed. Such overwhelming stresses form a hindrance to their overall life and academic growth and development. One of the most dangerous of these stresses is sexual abuse. Once allowed to cause injure, the scar tarries a lifetime. As a result, any parent that truly wants to support the child for high academic and life performance must both guard and guide such child against sexual abuse.

This post aims to provide guidelines for the achieving the objective.

Meaning of Child Sexual Abuse

Child Sexual Abuse denotes any act in which an adult or older person uses a child for sexual stimulation.

Forms of Child Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse includes:

• fondling child genitals;
• Teaching a child to or making a child to indulge in masturbation (stimulating self);
• Making a child to involve in oral sex;
• Vaginal and anal by penis, finger or any other object;
• fondling of (girl) child’s breasts;
• Voyeurism – observing children for sexual satisfaction;
• Exhibitionism – telling a child to expose genitals or sexual organs; and
• Pornography – exposing child to the portrayal of sexual subject matter or making them to engage in the act.

How prevalent is Child Sexual Abuse?

The fact that Child Sexual abuse is not made a matter of public discussion every time it occurs leaves some people with doubt whether it really occur at all. After all, (for some parents), none of their children or any child have reported any incident of sexual abuse in the past. This class of people must understand, with reference to the last two sentences of the introduction section that most children without earlier guidance on sexual abuse find it difficult to open up and thus keep later occurrence a secret – even if in pain. This is the case of the majority of victims. More so, some other parents whose child is sexually abuse usually keep it a secret for fear of stigmatization.

An Adult Retrospective Research reveals that 1 in every 6 men and 1 in every 6 women are sexually abused as a child (Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, 2006) studies also indicate that female children are more likely to be sexually abused than male children. Sexual abusers may be from within or outside the family.

The recent most baffling case of sexual abuse is parental incest or parents who sexually abused their child. It is on the increase and has been reported for children as early as months- old.

Effects of Child Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse has far- reaching damaging effects on the child. And while some are short term, others are long term, especially when there is no corrective measures.

Some of such effects are:

• Withdrawal syndrome and unhappiness
• Aggressive and violent behaviour
• Sleep problems
• Nightmares
• Eating problems
• Mood swings
• Pains for no medical reasons
• Bed wetting
• Sexual behaviour, language or knowledge too advanced for their age.

These entire effects compound to make academically poor as they may withdraw from school or social activities and exhibit various learning and behavioural problems such as cruelty to animals, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), conduct disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).

From the list, one could see or infer the devastating effect of child sexual abuse on the child – mentally and emotionally; hence the need for parents who intends to support their children emotionally to also guide and guard against child sexual abuse.

How to guard and guide children against sexual abuse

Below are tips on how to guide and guard children against sexual abuse.

1.      Spy and guard

Before they are old enough to comprehend instructions, the parents are rather limited as to what they can do. This is the time that guiding is really necessary. At this time do not give your child or leave the child with distrusted adult for too long. Sadly and bad as our society has turn to be, trustworthy individuals are rear commodity. Even those you think are trustworthy end up otherwise.

According to U.S Department of Justice (nsopw.org), 30 % of child sexual abuse perpetrators are family members – supposedly trusted people!

Hence, the safest guard is not to keep your child out of sight for long.

Similarly, not everyone should be allowed to change your child’s diaper or bathe him/her. Always be observant during diaper change or bathing if you are close by. Even parents may their own child sexual abusers! Yes, if your contact in anyway stimulates the child, then it is equivalent to abuse.

TAKE CARE however not to be paranoid about it nor should you be overprotective. As a tip, assure yourself of the trustworthiness of whoever you choose to entrust with the care of your child.

2.       Provide Sex Education

Soon as your child is old enough to understand instructions and can also go out – on play dates, to day-care or preschool and anywhere; the approach to protect the child against sexual abuse changes from spy and guard to sex education approach.

Definitely, parents cannot and should not stop their children from going out for fear of sexual abuse. However parents can arm them with knowledge that might save them from being victimized.

It is worthy of note to state that contrary to belief of most parents, a child is never too early to learn about body safety – long as they can understand what you are saying, they are ready only that the complexity of what you teach differs with age. At the start, identify a natural way of teaching sex education – such as when bathing or when the child want to go out playing nude; a sentence or two or a short remarks will repeated over would be well-remembered over a long period of time.

Components of Home Sex Education for Children

Below are the key components of sex education: which parents should make their children know:

a.      Name of (private) body parts

This should be done very early. And if possible, lessons on parts of the body including private parts – should be repeated frequently.

Too common among Nigerian is the use of slang or local aliases like “bombom” for private part (here meaning buttocks). This is absolutely wrong! It starts the impression that talking about sexuality is embarrassing.

Teaching a child the true or appropriate names of private parts makes them comfortable with the names. And feeling comfortable with the appropriate names of private parts in turn helps a child talk clearly if something inappropriate happens.

b.      Privacy of private parts of the body

Tell your child that their private parts are called private they are not for everyone to see. This remark or lesson can be taught naturally when the child wants to be without clothes.

At such a time, explain that you, the parents can see them nude. That means it is wrong for people outside of the home to see them without their clothes on.

Don’t forget to note that doctors can see them without their clothes when they visit in time of sickness. And that this too is because the parents are there with them (the child and the doctor) while the doctor checks their body.

c.       Body boundaries

Body boundaries refer to the part of their body that other people should not touch. Tell your child that no one should touch their private parts and that no one should ask them to touch somebody else’s private parts. Parents will often forget the second part of the forgiving sentences. But it is necessary because sexual abuse often begins with perpetrator asking the child to touch them or someone else.

d.      Body secrets

Tell your child that there should be no body secrets i.e. if something happen to the child’s body (in general) or if somebody touches his/her private part (specifically) – including when they feel any discomfort; the child must tell the parent.

Parent should also make the child know that some bad people (who may be family members or purported friends) usually touch inferiors in their private parts or make inferiors touch other person’s but tell them keep it a secret. Teach them that such persons may even promise them something in return of keeping the secrets or threaten them of danger should they not keep the secret. After all, assure them that the true intent of such person is not of good but bad.

This topic can be quite technical because perpetrators also offer their own instructions to counter that of the parent. Hence, parent should be very diplomatic and consistent at this instruction to create a lasting impression upon the child.

e.       Taking pictures of their private parts.

It seems funny to include this – I mean, who would ask a child to take the picture of his/her private part? As a result, most parents do not include this in their sex education. But you must understand that there are quite a number of sick people in our world. These sick people (paedophiles) are sexually attracted to children in a strange way.

They even go as far as taking snapshots of children’s private part or nude child to masturbate over. In fact some trade such pictures of nude children online. Tell your kids that no one should ever take pictures of their private parts.

And when you do this, also let the child know what such people do with the picture – they wouldn’t want people all over the world see them nude.

f.         How to get out of scary or uncomfortable situations

For a child raised in a typical Nigerian home; it is quite difficult to “say no” to older people. It is seen as an act of disrespect.

But we are in perilous time.  There are more dangerous adult now than there was in the ancient African setup. Hence, teaching on respect must be clarified and the curriculum of respect redrawn.

Clarification should state what is, and what not disrespect is. Parent should teach their child that it is not disrespect to refuse something that feels wrong. Hence, parent should teach their child how to politely turn down “bad” requests and how to tactfully get out of uncomfortable situations. For example, they can if someone wants to see or touch their private parts, they can tell such person that they need to leave to go ease themselves.

g.      Reassurance of no punishment for telling body secrets

Most Nigerian children are afraid of their parents – they couldn’t be otherwise when there are many reasons to be. This fear hinders free discussion between child and parent. Hence, child sexual abusers capitalize on this fear most time to threaten their victims.

As a result, there is need for parent to constantly assure their children that they will not be punished for telling for either complaining or telling them body secrets.

h.      Actual Feeling of Bad Touch

As an author observed, many sex education books talk about “good touch and bad touch” with “bad touch” referring to touching of private part.  This author noted that that can be confusing for children because touching of private part does not feel bad – but the opposite!

Hence, parents should teach their children that touching of private part feels strangely good. And they should also sternly warn them of touching their private part themselves. Tell them if somebody touches them in a way that they feel strangely funny, then it is a bad or secret touch which they should get away from and tell them afterwards.

i.        Nobody exempted

Finally, there is need to reiterates that the rules apply to everybody except when the person need to clean them; nobody may touch their private parts. And even this, the parent should encourage pupils to let them know whenever they feel strangely funny at their touch when cleaning them.

Specifically warn them against touching friends or letting friends touch them.

Last line

This post provides guides for guarding and guiding a child against sexual abuse. Hopefully, with the points, you will arm your child against sexual abuse. Nonetheless, you must understand that security is never attained. Hence, that you have armed them does not make them hundred per cent safe. Therefore, parents should find natural times to reiterate these messages again and again, such as bath time or when they are running around naked.

Now that you have learned how to avoid or reduce emotional stress from sexual abuse; click here let’s continue with our discussion on how to support a child for high academic and life skills. Meanwhile, feel free to drop your opinion in the box below and (if you think it is worth it), share with friends.